I've been struggling lately with the idea of God's blessing and favor in people's lives. I have seen different people in my life all living for Jesus and trying their best to live by faith...some are extremely blessed through monetary ways and earthly possessions and others are blessed in more spiritual ways-having peace or feeling faith during hard times. Both are ways that God blesses people-His hand is at work in both situations right? All that we receive in this life is from Him and through Him-all we have is His!!! Both are equally blessed by God right? According to God's word they are but are both equally easy to see God in though? I don't think so...I think it's so easy for us to see God's blessing and work in our lives through what we are given but sometimes we miss what he is doing in us spiritually that is also a blessing. Why does God choose to bless in different ways-why do some people get all the physical blessings of money, health, security, jobs, etc and others who really need those types of blessings never see them? Is it just a matter of what we recognize as God's blessings-are people just missing the blessings or is there really a reason why certain people seem to be blessed more? I have been wrestling with this question for some time as I have been witnessing people suffer and struggle and see others who seem to have it all-it's hard for me to see these disparities and see how God can be a part of both situations yet I know that He is. It just doesn't make sense to me and the more I try to make sense of it the more I question...I'm on a search for answers in all of this, answers and wisdom that can help me to understand better. I know that these answers may not come though-life sometimes just doesn't make sense and life is definitely NOT fair-I have seen this in my life and in the lives of others. It's not fair and it doesn't make any sense at all sometimes. I guess in times like these are when I struggle to see God but in my mind I know He's there, He's always there.
This time of hardship in my life is probably the hardest season I have ever been in and I don't expect it to be the only hard season I face-I feel that God is strengthening me and stretching me in such extreme ways during this experience...I feel He is preparing me for something, something great maybe but definitely something difficult that requires this strength. I heard in a sermon once about how God prepared His people and the pastor used the image of making an arrow to represent God's people-we are his arrow for him to aim and use in this world. To prepare us for this mission though we must be stripped of bark (our sins, impurities, all our earthly ways to become like him), then we must go through the fire (go through hard times to be challenged and grow in strength and faith), and last we must be sharpened (challenged in our faith and sharpened in our knowledge and understanding of god). I love this image because this is EXACTLY what I feel like I am enduring....all at once I feel like I am being stripped of who I am now to become someone new in God, I am going through fire in the difficult circumstances I find myself in and I am being sharpened in faith and strength through it all.
It sounds exciting and like it should be something that really enriches and blesses my life and maybe someday it will but right now I feel terrible. I feel bruised, broken and torn apart-I know God is here and that all of this is in preparation for something in the future but what I have been trying to accept is that nothing in His plan for me may be what I want or it may be much harder than I could ever imagine. God does NOT promise us happiness in this world, He does NOT promise us comfort or security in this world-everyone searching for these things in our fallen and broken world will waste their life searching because it's not here, it's ALL in GOD!!!!! In this past year and half I have been struggling to accept trials and hardships as blessings from God. The bible says to consider is pure joy when we face trials of may kinds but has anyone actually tried to do this? Have you ever thanked God for hard times and struggles? I have been trying to do this for over a year now and I still haven't found it any easier-it goes against everything that is natural in my heart to feel but yet I still try. I'm still struggling to make this something I can do but it's just not easy!! My struggles ARE blessings though because I know that great blessings will come from them-not physical blessings in the form of money or stuff but something much more valuable. I just pray for the perseverance and strength to get through one day after another until I reach the end of this journey and the point when God will reveal himself in all of this!!!
